PUMPKIN SOUP
by mystifymind
Summary: A Fanfic about Paula Cracker, written in her POV, showing what happened fifteen years ago and how things are for her now. WARNING: I'm new to this so please be forgiving! I'm giving my best to obey the grammar rules, but I'm not a native english speaker, so there might me some mistakes. Critics, rates and reviews are very welcome c:
1. Chapter 1

PUMPKIN SOUP

Prologue

I don't know how to start this, so I think it's best I'm gonna start with myself.

My name is Paula Cracker, orphan, 33 years old, hated by everyone. I'm not trying to make you feel bad for me, I'm just being realistic. Since my fault, which I made fourteen years ago, the people, especially the damn fangirls, havn't changed at all. They still look at me as if I had killed someone, their eyes narrowed and their lips pressed together showing nothing but disparage. But still, this regard of pure judgement couldn't bring me down. I kept living my messed up life, trying to forget what I had done, and rambled on. It's not like this is a bloody movie or something where the person changes after their faults and becomes better in the end. No, definitely not. Even years after cheating on Stuart Pot - or 2D, however you wanna call him - I didn't change at all, it's in my nature. Of course, I felt bad for him, but it's not like I planned it, for Satan's sake. It just happened. And no, I don't regret it. The question I'm asked all over the years never changed:

"Why did you do that to him?"

I spend much time thinking about it, and my final answer was nothing but the truth. I'm a cheater, but I'm not a liar. So I answered:

"I loved 2D, but he couldn't give me what I was looking for: a challenge, a mystery, a mind full of dark thoughts. I found all these things - and more - in Murdoc Niccals. It wasn't his appearance or the way he was talking. It was his mind which made him such an interesting guy. I didn't felt sympathy for him, he didn't either. We hated each other. There was no love that led to our actions, just this deep curiosity and a strange kind of passion. And yeah, it was worth it."

But we were, as all of you know, interrupted by Russel. Soon after this incident I left the band and carried on. But the world didn't carry on. The following years were full of the words bitch, slut, whore etc. thrown at me every time I dared to leave home, the pure disparagement when they saw me. To be honest, it wasn't easy with no one standing up for you, or supporting you. Of course, there were people who forgave me, but that's not what I asked for. I asked for nothing but acceptance, for the acceptance of my fault, the acceptance of my person.

No one gave me that, though.


	2. Chapter 2

15 YEARS BEFORE

It was a day like every normal day. The sun was shining and the bright blue sky was covered by those large, fluffy clouds you knew from children books or chintzy, old pictures. It was warm, way to warm for April, but still everyone seemed to enjoy the one-day-summer. I didn't, at all, but I decided to go for a walk (because I couldn't stand being at home with my parents around) smoke two cigarettes or three, maybe visit a nearby pub and drown my never-ending thoughts in a nice bottle of Jack Daniel's. I walked down the street which I knew for years, with my hands deeply as possible in my hot pants pockets and a fag between my lips. I kept walking, and used the glass of stores from time to time as a mirror to check my look. My short, almost black hair, my eyes with shadows under them hidden behind my dark sunglasses, a tank top which stained a bit too much against my chest, hot pants and finally my converse. I was so concentrated on my reflection that I almost didn't notice the little music shop, which even you could see from here was messy and grubby, but for some reason I did. I stopped, looking at the dirty and grey glass, wondering if that shop was here since lately or ever. Suddenly I remembered that a few strings of my guitar were broken, so I considered buying new ones in this shop. Making sure that no one noticed, I quickly flicked my cigarette away and entered through the door with a „Ding" sound. Iniside, it smelt like rotten wood, though someone had obviously tried to cover it with a heavy sweet scent. I wrinkled my nose slightly and glanced at the tiny shop. No one was behind the counter or between the frames, and there was a deep silence, so I could hear my own heartbeat. While walking through the frames I looked at bunches of keyboards, old guitars and some flutes, wind instruments etc. I found the guitar strings finally at the very back of a shelf, and it was so dusty I had to sneeze. That's when I heard a voice. "Oh, bless ya, luv." I quickly turned around and looked directly into two beautiful blue eyes, which were part of a really sweet face. His regard showed slight confusement, then I finally catched myself back. "Uhm, thanks." I quickly looked to the side, because I noticed I had been staring at him. "You lookin' for somethin' special?" As I finally got control back, I answered. "Aye, I looked for these." I held up the guitar strings. "You're the very first person I see buying 'em." "Oh." I didn't know anything else to say, so I walked slowly to the counter. He understood, and within a second, he was standing at the other side. He gave me a cute smile which made my knees weak. Suddenly I had loosen my abilty to speak, which confused me. I wasn't a newcomer when it comes to the subject of flirting with boys. Oh no, I wasn't at all. But still, this boy made me feel like I got my tongue choked up. "One pound, luv." He kept smiling at me and I was so intesenly thinking about if people could freeze if someone attractive was looking at them like he was looking at me now, that I totally forgot to take my purse out. I just noticed it when his face slowly got that puzzled expression again. "Oh. Oh yeah, sure." I digged in my little bag like insane for my purse and I could see from the corner of my eyes that he was smiling now in amusement. I don't exactly remember how I managed to leave that music shop without embarrassing myself anymore, but I did somehow. Letting out a deep sigh, I rebuked myself. "For Satan's sake, Paula. You act like a stupid ten-year-old", I thought. "It's not the first time you see a hot guy. Relax." I only realized at home, when I had locked myself in the bathroom and sitting in the bathtub, that I forgot to ask for that guys' name. Damn.


	3. Chapter 3

I didn't find the courage to return to that music shop the next day and talk to him. Even the thought made me go all crazy. So I tried to calm myself with one of the joints my best friend had given me last weekend. Yes, I did drugs from now and then and aye, I still do. To be honest, I don't care about my health, because it doesn't matter if I drink a lot, or smoke a box of cigarettes in a week. I'm gonna die anyway. Well, at least that was my so-called philosophy, though I had no idea if that really was philosophy. My parents were too busy fighting with each other that they didn't notice at all. However, I was just about to light my joint when my telephone rang. Cursing under my breath, I stood up to answer it. "Yeah?" My voice sounded a bit annoyed. "Oi Paula, Julie here. I just wanted to ask if you would join us tonight?" "Sure." I replied without even thinking. "Nice. Let's meet at 7pm in our pub okay? Bye-bye." Without waiting for my answer, Julie ended the call. I let out another sigh."Oh well. Maybe that will help me getting a bit sidetracked.", I thought. Me and my friends were very popular in town, though it wasn't a good way of popularity. Everyone here knew us for spending a few months in jail, doing a lot of drugs and having sex in public, just to name few from the very long list. There would be times were we just took off in a car and drive, staying away for months. School or obeying parents was something of no importance. We lived like Rockstarts, although we weren't – but that was my biggest dream. Since I was a little kid, I wanted to be in a band and become famous. And this is the reason why I play guitar. Right at 7pm I was sitting in the pub, though I didn't supposed Julie and my other friends to join in time. I was already drunk, because I had pass the waiting with drinking. They arrived late, like I was expecting, and we started our ramble in town. I drunkly told Julie about my new crush I met this afternoon, and she smacked me upside the head because I didn't know his name. „Paulie, what the *hicc* fuck is wrong with you?! *hicc* If I were you I had already that guy's address and his number." „Don't *hicc* yell at me! I s-swear I'm gonna go to him tomorrow and ask him *hicc*", I responded. „I bet you won't! *hicc*" „You'll seeee!" We cracked up laughing and stumbled after the rest of our friends. The next day my head was aching in the worst hangover I ever had, and as I got up and looked in the mirror, I stared at myself in horror. My hair was a mess, my make-up was smeared all over my face and I still wore the clothes I had on yesterday. „Shit", I muttered and went into the bathroom to take a shower. When I finished, I stepped out wrapped in a towel and put concealer under my eyes to hide the shadows, which I thought would never disappear again. After ten minutes I was ready to leave, I was almost running down the street because I suddenly was afraid that he wouldn't be there. He was – and I had just caught him in time. CRASH! Unfortunately I bumped into him as I stopped running to late. „Oh my, I'm so sorry!" I stuttered and helped him up. „Is an angry crowd chasing you or are you just doing morning pracice?" He got up slowly and smiled at me, as he remembered me. „Hey, you're the girl that bought the guitar strings a few days ago." „Uhm, yeah – I mean no – I mean – I'm Paula. Paula Cracker." God, I sounded like a complete idiot. „Nice to meet you – again." He grinned and shook my hand. „I'm Stuart Pot." „Pleasure's all mine" I brought out with a smile. „Uhm, do you wanna come in? I – eh – I could make you a coffee, if you want." I nodded. „That would be nice, thanks." Since when am I that polite? Usually I'm just like „Okay, but you better hurry up with that". Well I guess things are a little different this time.


End file.
